WARNING: THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS AND INTENDED FOR MATURE READERS ONLY, IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY OFF COLOUR HUMOUR, PLEASE "GIT-OUTTA THIS CASA"

"When you have sex with a glow-in-the-dark condom, its kind of like being in a lighthouse - It's light, it's dark, it's light, it's dark..." (1)

"Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years, men after four minutes!" (2)

"One thing you never tell your wife, after putting on the sexy lingerie you got her: It looked better in the catalog" (Anonymous)

"Marriage is built on paranoia and mistrust! I got up in the middle of the night to pee and she wakes up out of dead sleep to say: "Where are you going?", Why, to have sex with a midget I store in the medicine closet!" (3)

"Now they're warning that cigarettes can cause cancer of the cervix. I'm always very careful to put them in my mouth!" (4)

"Men think about sex every seven seconds, doesn't that make it, talking to your Dad very creepy?" (5)

"Viagra has instructions: "Keep away from children"- "What kind of a man you think I am?" (6)

"After being married for 12 years, it's boring, or for the educated-moribund!" (7)

"Only thing worst than walking in on your parent's making out, is walking in on your grandparents making out-That's why I no longer eat raisins!" (8)

"I ate a foot long corn-dog on a nude beach once, but I'll never do it again. And why I put mayonaise on it I'll never know!" (9)

"I went to a Catholic school. The nuns said don't touch your penis or you'll go right to hell. Let Father Flanagan do it for you!" (10)

"Black guys like me! I feel like a chubby li'l white girl!" (11)

"We were into different things, you know I like life, and she likes sucking it out of me!" (12)

"You're not a real woman until you have a couple of kids, your life is in the toilet and someone has stomped all over your dreams!" (13)

"In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk, Ladies, you fake orgasms, we fake listening!" (14)

Jokes by the following comedians:(1)Frank Skinner,(2)(5)(6)Jimmy Carr,(3)Tom Papa,(4)Fiona O'Laughlin,(7)John Moloney,(8)(9)Zach Galifianakis,(10)(11)Mike DiStefano,(12)Daniel Townes,(13)Louis C.K.,(14)Alonzo Bodden ; Source;The Gazette Montreal, July 24, 2007-Just For Laughs, Comedy Fest, Montreal-Canada