@ 2007-07-30 – 01:40:08
.."fook, fak,feck, fuck!" -it means the same no matter how you pronounce it.
But nobody says it better than Alanis Morissette, Canadian eh?, of course!
Listen from the best selling CD of all time, Jagged Little Pill, the 9O'S hit : YOU OUGHTA KNOW (version):
The 4 letter word is still deleted on primetime ('til 9PM) radio in Canada!
@ 2007-07-28 – 18:37:12
Bar Scene:
Two football(American) player dudes were trying to impress the gorgeous chick beside them at the bar and were bragging about real tough guys play football.
Very much annoyed on the contrary, the hot babe, got up the bar stool, paid the barman and told the guys:
"You think football is tough?, try pushing a football out of your ass!"
Wooooooo!!
@ 2007-07-28 – 17:15:48
I've heard about the big floods in England, it isn't any better in Canada. I think there were about four sunny days in the whole month of July, usually the hottest month of the summer. Just to make it hurt a li'l bit more the "Joker" upstairs gave us this last weekend forecast: Friday, rain, Saturday, rain and Sunday, cloudy with scattered showers.
I spend so much time and money to maintain a swimming pool, I could never enjoy with this kind of weather. It is pleasant to swim or simply be in the water when the sun is out and the water temperature is about 80 deg. C plus but when the sun is out, the temperature drops very quickly as well.
Yesterday, coming home from work, knowing it is gonna rain during the night and for the rest of the weekend, I decided to jump in after supper, I didn't care the water was barely 70deg.
So, Mr. Superman that I am, I plunged in! Swooooosshhh!!
It was so freaking colddddd!!....my nipples popped out and became so hard and my c---k shriveled!!
I don't seem to feel very well today! 
@ 2007-07-27 – 00:56:22
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS AND INTENDED FOR MATURE READERS ONLY, IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY OFF COLOUR HUMOUR, PLEASE "GIT-OUTTA THIS CASA"
"When you have sex with a glow-in-the-dark condom, its kind of like being in a lighthouse - It's light, it's dark, it's light, it's dark..." (1)
"Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years, men after four minutes!" (2)
"One thing you never tell your wife, after putting on the sexy lingerie you got her: It looked better in the catalog" (Anonymous)
"Marriage is built on paranoia and mistrust! I got up in the middle of the night to pee and she wakes up out of dead sleep to say: "Where are you going?", Why, to have sex with a midget I store in the medicine closet!" (3)
"Now they're warning that cigarettes can cause cancer of the cervix. I'm always very careful to put them in my mouth!" (4)
"Men think about sex every seven seconds, doesn't that make it, talking to your Dad very creepy?" (5)
"Viagra has instructions: "Keep away from children"- "What kind of a man you think I am?" (6)
"After being married for 12 years, it's boring, or for the educated-moribund!" (7)
"Only thing worst than walking in on your parent's making out, is walking in on your grandparents making out-That's why I no longer eat raisins!" (8)
"I ate a foot long corn-dog on a nude beach once, but I'll never do it again. And why I put mayonaise on it I'll never know!" (9)
"I went to a Catholic school. The nuns said don't touch your penis or you'll go right to hell. Let Father Flanagan do it for you!" (10)
"Black guys like me! I feel like a chubby li'l white girl!" (11)
"We were into different things, you know I like life, and she likes sucking it out of me!" (12)
"You're not a real woman until you have a couple of kids, your life is in the toilet and someone has stomped all over your dreams!" (13)
"In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk, Ladies, you fake orgasms, we fake listening!" (14)
Jokes by the following comedians
1)Frank Skinner,(2)(5)(6)Jimmy Carr,(3)Tom Papa,(4)Fiona O'Laughlin,(7)John Moloney,(8)(9)Zach Galifianakis,(10)(11)Mike DiStefano,(12)Daniel Townes,(13)Louis C.K.,(14)Alonzo Bodden ; Source;The Gazette Montreal, July 24, 2007-Just For Laughs, Comedy Fest, Montreal-Canada
@ 2007-07-24 – 21:59:00
It took George W. Bush, more than two weeks before he reacted to that disastrous clamity of storm Katrina. It would have been a totally different Sceneraio if it was Bill Clinton as President. We would have seen Billy standing on a levy, waiting, with his pants down his ankles yelling:
Hey Katrina! Blow this!
Please click to enlarge image!
joke excerpt from Adam Hills, Just for Laughs, Comedy Fest, Montreal-2007 illustration by davij
@ 2007-07-24 – 19:56:27
No offense to Chinese people, ( whom I even have a tiny pint of it!) and I don't think they do it with malice but in most Chinese Restaurants I've been to, it doesn't matter where in the world, they probably rank at the top when it comes to non-courtesy and service. Isn't this a familiar scene?
You arrive in the restaurant, the host/hostess approaches you, no how are you, good evening, no good afternoon, the first thing he/she asks:
How Many?
Then I reply, usually: "Four"
He answers: "Oke, Fall in line! Make single line, plis!", like a marine seargent!
I just find that not very nice!
And why is it that everytime you order something in a Chinese Restaurant, the bloody thing is served to you within 5 minutes? It takes at least that to heat up the oil and boil the water I think?
The best part is when I look at the bill in the end:
"I didn't order bloody triangle, square, square...!!"
Joke adapted from Jo Koy, Just for Laughs, Comedy Fest-2007, Montreal, Canada
@ 2007-07-24 – 01:43:14
I want a Buddha in my garden even though I'm Catholic!
The new pope Ratzinger, I think that's his name, wouldn't like that, since he recently re-attested that the Roman Catholic Church is the only one true Christian religion. He's also bringing back the old Latin Mass.
Already, there's hardly any people attending mass, this is really gonna help people who don't understand a word of latin, "dominus pabiscum, espiritum, amen". It sounds kinky!
I think the Vatican Library should have newer books like
I don't know, Harry Potter?, that could be dangerous material for priests though I think, maybe Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, instead of reviewing all these dusty ancient Catholic Archives. Soon women will wear veils again to go to church!
Anyway, I still want a Buddha, the Chinese one,with the fat belly, he looks happy and very rich! I use to have a small piggy-bank Buddha when I was young, I put all my pennies in his mouth, then I take the tape off the tape from his ass when it was full. Why is the Thai Buddha so fucking skinny anyway? Too much spicy food and a lotta women? This could be dangerous, the Buddhists may put a $1 million tag on my head, just like Rushdie! Give me the million, I'll kill myself, make that in UK pounds at least, you don't go far with a million these days! Why didn't we (Catholics) ask for the head of Tom Hanks and the author of Da Vinci Code for blasphemy, or Scorcese for suggesting Jesus fucked Mary Magdalene? or nail Mel Gibson to the cross suggesting the Jews killed Jesus? Maybe because they're true?
I ask the waiter at the Chinese restaurant who those 3 wiseguys are in one of the pictures hanged, he didn't know because the only thing Chinese about him is his face, he's all Canadian white! My well read friend told me, they stood for health, wealth and happiness, and he's Italian for God's sake! One of my buddies at the table told me their names are actually: FUK, SUK AND LIK!
I'm seriously thinking of sculpting one! I just want a fucking Buddha!!!!! :
@ 2007-07-23 – 21:51:38
I just received an e-mail today from the administration of blog.co.uk.
and it says, they appreciated my feedback and that they agreed on my suggestions and criticism, and they are actually working right now exactly on a new software architecture for us bloggers. I haven't read all of the feedbacks from the bloggers regarding the "new look" of blog.co.uk, and by majority the comments were very favorable, including mine, congratulating them indeed for a much improved web pages. Okay, now you're
becoming very impatient for me to get to the point right? Well, I don't know if it was also suggested by others but here is what I commented:
I congratulated blog.co.uk for a good job done on their new design format, but I also mentioned that there was not anything new for the bloggers, especially the blog design patterns to choose from the bloggers is limited to the same unflexible three types, 1,2,3 columns and some equally boring patterns or the alternative is to hire an expensive web designer, to achieve a more creative looking blog-site. It is quite difficult especially for those who are paying for PRO blog, to arrange their Adsense advertising and not constrict the area for the blogs which is the most important.
So there! Beautiful looking blogsites will be available for bloggers soon! That's what I was informed by the e-mail from blog.uk. today!
That would really be great! Agree? 
Thanks in advance to the administration!
@ 2007-07-22 – 16:32:23
..he was sitting at the kitchen table,
watching his wife with admiration,
as she was unconsciously putting away her groceries.
His eyes followed her every move,
as she bends,
walk to the fridge,
to the kitchen sink..
Finally he got up, hugged her from the waist.
She was stll talking about how expensive everything is.
He turned her around, she looked at his eyes and waited, waited...
His lips were moving but words wouldn't come out.
He's always been a man of few words,
he cleared his throat and finally words start to come out so slowly:
"I know, I don't say this very often, but I want you to know,
that I am the luckiest man in the world for having you!
I just couldn't imagine a life without you!
You are so beautiful and I love you!
You....."
She placed her hand gently on his lips to interrupt him,
and looked at his eyes with passion,
and told him... "FUCK ME!"
words,loveinthekitchen by davij
@ 2007-07-20 – 18:50:45
"pamplemousse", I hate that word!
It makes my stomach perculates and
my .ss do UMA-UMA!
Ooops! Excuse me for few minutes.....
@ 2007-07-20 – 17:49:10
Don't you feel sometimes the pressure of everyday life becomes just unbearable you feel like cracking up? Well, you can apply some of the suggestions below that may just help you cope and keep your sanity:
1. Put on your sunglasses, park oh the side of the road, pull out your hairdryer and point it at the cars passing by and see if they slow down!
2. At the office, page yourself on the intercom!
3. Go see an opera and start to sing along!
4. Go see a poem recital, interrupt the poet and ask him why his poem doesn't ryhme!
5. At the zoo, run fast to the parking lot and shout, "They're loose, they're loose!"
6. At the busy ATM line, when the cash you've withdrawn starts to come out of the slot, shout, "I won, I won!"
7. At the drive through McDonalds, when you are asked for your order, you reply, " To go! "
8. At the restaurant, when the waiter ask you what breverage do you want, tell him, " Can I have diet-water please!"
9. When somebody asks you to do something you reply. "Do you want fries with that?"
10. And finally, at the dinner table, before eating, tell your family, you have a very important anouncement to make which is, " Due to the current economic situation, I have to let one of you go!
And if the above has put even a li'l smile on your face, please send these suggestions to as many people as you wish, who maybe on the verge of - cracking up!
@ 2007-07-20 – 01:13:48
(Click to view larger image)
"A Kiss From a Rose" - song by Seal
"Photoshop"- illustration by Davij
Model- Anonymous
@ 2007-07-17 – 12:11:56
..Dedicated to milady!
pretty woman yeah yeah yeah,
pretty woman look my way,
pretty woman say you'll stay with me,
oh yeah, pretty woman!
..you look as lovely as can be..
..no one can look as good as you,
'cause I need you,
I'll treat you right!
..'Mercy..Wowwwww!!!!..Grrrrrrrr!!!!
@ 2007-07-14 – 00:49:36
I don't know why I can't just smile everytime,
why life is not all joy,
..and if you take a good look at my face,
it's easy to trace- the track of my tears!
Click image to max. view
@ 2007-07-12 – 23:55:51
.. playing around with the 'Photoshop' paintbrush, then she appears!
"face"
@ 2007-07-11 – 22:43:15
The boss of China's Food and Drug Administration was executed yesterday in China after being found guilty of accepting bribes woth more than $850,000 in return for approving fake medicines and contaminated food products. If we believe that the execution one corrupt official in China will solve the unsafe imports from China, we are fooling ourselves. This is more of a symbolic propaganda of sacrificing a high official fall-guy to show the West, from now on everything that comes from China will be pool proof safe.
The stakes are high for China, in the U.S. alone Chinese exports of only Food Products amount to $205 billion US. Add all other exports from DVD'S, toys, tools, clothing, etcetera, etcetera. With the Olympic Games preparation now running in cost over-runs in billions of dollars, with China expecting 2 million visitors to pour their foreign currency in China,China has to make a dramatic grandstage to punish one man for all it's ills.
No nation on earth has transformed itself during the past 20 years from a giant Cuba, a one uniform dress code and a bicycle third world country into today's world fourth largest economy. Much is owed to the genius of the late Deng Xia Ping, combining the politics of communism and western capitalism. Hopefully in the future, China will embrace democracy, but that is for the Chinese to decide. The Russian experience of sudden transition to democracy as well as capitalism has only benefited the corrupt and impoverished most of the nation.
Although China is in fast forward towards modernization, the truth of the matter is, it is still a developing nation and lags hundreds of years far behind the industrialized nations in its technology and quality controls, as capitalism was a major sin in the old communist China.
The impact of the exposed Chinese unsafe exports will choke the Dragon, bigtime, but only for a while, but the mystical animal will breathe fire again and we have to live with it, the West have tied itself to the Ancient East, there is no turning back! The reality is, Is there anything not made in China these days?
There is already a boycott of anything Chinese in many parts of the U.S. and Canada, some manufacturers and producers are already capitalizing on China's misfortune, labeling products as "China-Free
products", similar to the SARS and Chicken Virus believed to have oriiginated in China saw the boycott of many Chinese restaurants, but China survived as it will overcome this one.
It maybe wise to avoid certain Chinese products (except ) for our own precaution such as:
1) Fake toothpastes sold usually at Dollar or 99cents or Discount Stores.
2) Painted Toys contain lead a harmful substance for kids.
3) Pet foods contain melamine a deadly substance for cats and dogs.
4) Frozen fish and seafoods contain high amount of sulfur dioxide
And last but not the least: Avoid buying "orange chicken", for Christ's sake!, you should know!, chicken's skin is not supposed to be orange!!
@ 2007-07-05 – 23:13:29
At the marriage counsellor office, one on one session with the wife,
complaining how she is badly mistreated by her husband:
woof!woof!
@ 2007-07-04 – 22:16:07
On the way to work this morning I heard this on Q92FM (local station).
A recent survey suggests that the following list is a key to a successful marriage in today's I-Pod generation:
No.1: SHARING THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES. I believe that, especially when the wife is also working, include the household chores of cleaning, cooking, laundry, the kids, it is an overwhelming task if the hubby does not move his butt. Many divorces actually arise from the wife calling it quits and gets relief from eliminating sometimes her biggest burden, the lazy, slob insensitive husband.
Now the other ways to avoid arguments but still maintain communications
are:
a) Communicate through text messages!
b) Sleep in separate beds!
c) Do everything opposite of what Larry King does! (I think, this is his 7th wife!)
And last but not the least:
A husband should always have an ear to listen to each of her personalities! !!
@ 2007-07-03 – 23:06:42
Many moons ago, I used to work for an architectural firm, where the associates are of different ethnicities and I remember the poor secretary going to this lengthy routine on the phone, when the other line asks for the associates' name:
Secretary picks up the phone: "Dimakopoulos, Chang, Wigglesworth, Gharemanpoor & Associates.."
The other line: "Acropolis?"
Secretary: "No, it's DI-MA-KO=POU-LOS !"
The other line: "TSENG?"
Secretary: "No sir, it's Chang! as in chimpanzee"
The otherline: " Woodsworth?"
Secretary: "Nope! it's WIGGLES-WORHT!"
The otherline: " Oh, Wigglesworm?"
Secretary: "Nope! it's WIGGLES-WORTH!"
The other line: the last one, is what again? "Carmen-Fuhr?"
Secretary: "No sir, it's GHA-RE-MAN-POOR!"
Finally, the other line seems satisfied until: " Last thing,
could you please spell their names!"
Secretary:
@ 2007-07-03 – 12:52:08
This gorgeous girl (blonde , of course) wears these short-short skirts, that when she bends to reach the trash can on spoiled photocopies and for some reason she makes lots of bad copies, drives Matt crazy whose office table faces the photocopying machine.
One day only the two of them were left doing overtime in the office, Matt couldn't resist no longer the tease she has been torturing him,
he approached her and offer her a proposition:
"Look, I'll drop $100 on the floor if you let me f*** you and I'll stop by the time you picked it up!"
It will take a second to pick it up, he wont be able to do anything, what a jerk, she thought then replied: "For $200, we have a deal!"
"Deal!" he answered!
For about 15 minutes, he was still doing her as she picks up the loose change!
lesson: "dont try to con a con-artist!"
@ 2007-07-02 – 17:08:53
Circumsission is the cutting of the foreskin of a penis. It is a procedure done because of religion, tradition, hygine and health reasons or simply by choice. As a mater of fact, Jesus himself is circumcised, but it is rite practised predominantly of Jews and Moslem men, but many are circumcised as well regardless of religion. In recent years, it is a rite considered barbaric and cruel. Some recent studies also suggest that uncirumcised men are more prone to sexually transmitted deceases, such as H.I.V. Some say uncircumsised men feels more sexual sensations in that area than circumcised men. Circumsised men of course will never know the difference. Opinions among women varies as some prefer the extra skin covering the penis head while others prefer the clean, exposed penis head, of course to many, only size matters! haha! WHAT DO YOU THINK?
@ 2007-07-01 – 20:15:44
"God gave man a brain and a penis, but can only function one at a time!"
"Divorce is buying a house for a woman you hate!"
A wife who just have had it finally told her husband: "That's it! I'm leaving this house! I can't stand it here no longer, all I do is clean the house,do the laundry, cook and being ignored! I had it!, I'm leaving this place!
To which the husband replied: "You know what?, I feel the same way,
Can I go with you?"
A man comes home late at 4:30 AM and saw his wife making out with another man, angrily he screams at her: "WTF are you doing?"
She looked at her watch and answered him back: "Don't you try to change the subject now!
WOOP!WOOP!
@ 2007-07-01 – 19:50:31
Don't men look sexier dressed, especially if they dress well?
@ 2007-06-30 – 23:52:36
Just curious, what men and women prefer:
"smooth" 
"mustache" 
"landing strip"
"bikini-line"
"jungle fever"
SURVEY SAYS!!!!
@ 2007-06-30 – 23:03:31
The Ocean's 13 Three Stars: I hate these guys!
Clooney
Pitt
Damon
C E N S O R E D !! Sorry Ladies!!!!
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